On a typical Saturday afternoon I was playing with my children at the neighborhood park. Down the slide, up the rope, and across the monkey bars we laughed. “Push me daddy” and “tag, you’re it!” rose above the typical playground din. But then, out of the blue, I noticed something missing in their eyes.
I was struck. Stopped in my tracks, just standing there, curious… I started paying attention! I started purposefully watching how my kids looked at me as we talked, laughed and played. Nothing was overt or screaming out at me. It was like I had been given the ability to see a mysterious frozen Narnia existing beyond the wardrobe doors. I was so confused, trying to see something I was missing without knowing what I was looking for. I just knew there was something cold and disengaged behind their loving looks, smiles and laugher. What in the world was I seeing? Or, not seeing? There was a deep void in my kids that began haunting me.
The haunting revealed a great disappointment welling up deep in my soul; I wanted to see, “I look up to you dad.” and “I respect you.” I felt like I had earned, and was entitled to a more honoring gaze. I loved my kids and I was committed to working hard to be a good dad for them.
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Time quietly ticked around the dial as my heart and mind struggled in the darkness of disappointment. Finally, just as the sun rises in brilliance, I realized that somehow, I had become a content dad. I was content reading books on being a good dad and adjusting to do better; I was content with the accountability I shared with other dads; I was content being dependable and fun to play tag with. Somehow, I was content in the pride I felt when I was the only dad at the park playing with the kids. But, there was something missing in their gaze and I was determined to get over myself and find it.
As the sun continued to rise above the shadows, I was able to start seeing things a little clearer. I eventually concluded that it was that magical spark of inspiration that was missing from my children’s eyes.
Standing on the threshold between “I want” and “don’t have” was a familiar place for me. I just didn’t know how to create the magic. I felt as if I was losing the hearts of my kids to the passing of time and I had to change! I had to be better than a good dad. I had to take advantage of the minutes I held within my hands and learn how to create a relationship that would ignite the magic of inspiration in their hearts.
Even though I didn’t have a clear path that would lead me to the change I was looking for, I stepped through the threshold and into an adventure that was as big and life changing as life itself. On that day I set out to start building a relationship with my children that was full of magic.
Do you have a story about how you had to change to build a better relationship with your kids? I’d love to hear about it if you would like to share.
